Today I was really sick this morning (yes, I like that sentence structure). I have had this constant stomach pain that was really debilitating for a couple weeks. I went to the doctor here in Costa Rica (a real one, like not any parent from Waldorf that has known me since I was little). They basically gave me something to mask the pain and made a guess that it was a reaction to the walnut size of gluten I ate (I have celiac disease). So I woke up this morning feeling pretty bad and I told my host family. They talked about what I had eaten the day before and suggested i had eaten gluten again, they were sure it was my fault. I was annoyed, i had been trying my best to get better and they were blaming it all on me! Then my host sister who i am generally pretty close to and have had some personal conversations with actually said something that was more of a truthful diagnoses then i have gotten in awhile; she said, “maybe your just sad” (in English).
I know that that it is super typical and annoying to be sad on Valentines day, but I was and I am. I think about my x (I hate that word for someone you’ve broken up with).
This video is my excuse for thinking about my x today. It explains the addictive qualities of love.
I like scientific explanations of my emotions and ted.com is a real cool source that has talks on many different subjects. I learned on the next video i watched about orgasms and how a dead body could potentially be probed in a certain area in the spine to have one!
Sometimes I really like words and sometimes I’m not good at making them represent what I want to say. So here is a compilation of things I have collected on this topic. Sorry to overwhelm you…?
Its not that I am sad about not being with my X anymore but, I was talking to my friend about this over drinks and its really just that love is such a strong feeling. And when you’re IN love with someone and in a relationship with them you merge into this being of one. The combination is like what my friend was drinking, he (my x) is the strong, hard alcohol of the drink and I was the zangy lime and sugar and the combination made something delicious.
I remember feeling withdraws, I remember needing more even when I was looking into his eyes, its overwhelming. Ugh I hate writing about him, I’ve written about it so much its like word throw up now, its worse, its like chunky diarrhea that’s old and grey and overworked that spews out the mouth onto this page. EW
*So i guess i sent you on more of a treasure hunt with all these links, but they are little bits of gold to me and so the travel is worth the while...Which is sort of an analogy of why my relationship with my x ended...
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